Family is always a complicated aspect in our life. We’re not able to choose our parents, where we were born, or how our upbringing shapes us (including all of the scars and traumas). And in this book, my friend, Stefani, shares her journey in embracing her passed-down family trauma.
As she now grows a family of her own, she realises that cutting people off is not the right answer. She must go through with it and learn to heal herself, to give her child a better childhood than hers.
Writing as A Way to Understanding Life
In the letter she wrote at the end of the book, she emphasises how writing this book is not a way to find who’s wrong or right. It’s her way to unravel her mind, finding her way to understanding the past experiences in her life – so that she can move forward. Not just as a better person for herself, but for the people around her, and, moreover, for her child.
Processing our feelings and thoughts can be overwhelming, especially when we try to pour them into writing. But as we put things down, either in our journal (or in this case, a book), I believe this is one of the best things we can practice for ourselves.
Being Vulnerable is an Act of Braveness
When I attended the book launch event, one thing for sure I had in the back of my mind: she’s so brave for being vulnerable. She wrote this book, she shares her past experiences, and most importantly, her healing journey. On how her parenthood era has brought her to this realisation about herself.
Family matters is not something fun to talk about, and by default it’s not something for the public. But through her experience, she is willing to share with us. I have always been a firm believer that writing can bring about change for readers. And this act of bravery can spark something in the readers, to not ignore our scars and start healing them, even though it’s uncomfortable.
To Be A Parent is to Be Changed
I can say that her turning point in her journey is when she became a parent herself. She gets to view it from a different perspective as a mother. With many uncertainties as a new mother, her life changes in a blink once she has a child. Slowly, she began to understand how, as a parent, they can make mistakes, because this is their first life, after all.
Even though I, myself, have not been a parent, I can relate to this part to some degree. Couldn’t agree more that, at some point, I can finally understand some of the decisions my mom made in the past, which I think weren’t really good. We are all figuring things out in life, and most of the time we do the best we can based on the information and resources available to us at the time.
To Change Our Perspective: From A Victim to A Decision Maker
Processing all that and pouring it into a book is a very brave thing, but the real deal is how she refused to be the victim anymore. She used to think of herself as the victim in her story. Once she knew she had the choice to let go of that, she took it.
She started mending her relationship with her parents; she is learning to become a better person, not just for herself but for her family and people who love her. I believe this is not an easy decision, but she follows through. I am genuinely rooting for you! – and all of you who are reading this too!
To be there for others: no questions needed
I mean, let’s face it, guys, life is not just rainbows and sunshine. To share and to listen is to be human. To be a good friend, family member, or relative, sometimes we just have to be there. We don’t have to understand the problems and actively try to solve them. But just being there, walking together, and growing into a better person is just enough.
Stefani gets to experience a healthy family with her husband and in-laws; therefore, she has the chance to heal. No one is perfect, no family is perfect – and remember we’re all living for the first time. Always be kind!
The Book Launch
Lastly, I think this is more like an open letter to Stefani haha – Thank you for inviting me to the launch and for being part of your wonderful journey with your book. I can feel your sincerity in your writings – it took me some time to finish it. This book made me reflect on my relationships with my family, and not gonna lie, it can bring out some uncomfortable feelings to process (not in a bad way, we just so used to repressed stuff, right). Looking forward to your next book, maybe?! hahaha
VERONICAKUDO 
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