Britt-Marie Was Here

Reading this reminds me of Ove, the old grumpy person who was finding ways to end his life as his wife passed away. Well this is written by the same author, Fredrik Backman. Although Britt-Marie was not in the same case, she, indeed, lost her husband — not to death, but to a younger woman.

This book starts with Britt-Marie’s journey to navigate life by looking for a job so that if she were dead, someone would notice her.

As as life wouldn’t stop throwing surprises at her, she kept cleaning and cleaning.

Britt-Marie and her cleaning obsession

At first, her obsession with cleaning, lists, and being organised annoyed me. But, soon I realised that that’s how she navigates her life and day. To have a sense of control over her.

I remember my conversation with a monk from Japan, Shoukei, who wrote a book titled ‘A Monk’s Guide to A Clean House & Mind’. There was this sweeping activity as a meditation during the festival, and I joined him. As we clean to start and end our day, we also clear our minds. Just as we can have clutter in our house, our mind does too. I think that’s what Britt-Marie’s trying to do.

Questions for Discussion

I love how this book gives questions that I can reflect on after I finish reading it! It actually helps me finish this blog post (I started drafting this blog when I started reading this book cause I know it’s worth a blog post!).

Borg and how to they change her

What did you learn about Britt-Marie from her interaction with the people in Borg? Do they change her?

Think about the children on Borg’s football team: to what extent are they responsible for Britt-Marie’s growth, and how?

At first, I see Britt-Marie as someone who’s too conservative and has no flexibility in life. She sees the day in a list and must adore it no matter what. She didn’t listen to the girls who work at the job centre. But I’m genuinely happy with how their relationship turned out – that last phone call!!

But you know what? I think I learnt something from her experience in Borg. And it wasn’t that Borg changed her; it just brings out something that’s always within her. The children, moreover, give her the opportunity to let her guard down and show her warm self. Sometimes, we should go out and experience the things that scare us so that we can reach our full potential — to grow.

Her childhood memories of always being the second and being doubted by her parents, her role in the house once she’s married to Kent and always being told what do think and say and do. She was living in a cage she didn’t even see herself.

Her relationship with Kent

‘She has difficulties remembering the last time she said anything at all, until one day she left him without a word. Because of this it always feels like the whole thing was her fault’ (page 151). To what extent do you think Britt-Marie contributed to the unraveling of her and Kent’s relationship with her silence, if it all?

How have Britt-Marie’s experience as a girl and a young woman made her into the woman she is at the start of the novel?

At first, I wondered why she didn’t leave him sooner. But I guess, when she’s in that position and constantly being told since forever to do certain things and think a certain way, it leaves her with no option. She didn’t know better. She didn’t know what life had more to offer and that she had the chance to change it all, to make the path for herself. It’s sad to realise that many people are in the same situation as her in the real world.

There must be context

Did learning about her childhood change the way you felt about Britt-Marie as a character?

Yes! Definitely! At the beginning of the novel, it was kinda hard to be sympathetic to her. Her actions and how she behaves were questionable for me(?) Hahaha

But after learning about her childhood, it makes sense. We shouldn’t judge other people just because we don’t understand their decisions or way of thinking. We all have different upbringings, which shape our perspectives.

When we first met her, Britt-Marie seems a fairly conservative person, yet in the course of the novel she is exposed to many new situations. What does she learn through these experiences and what do we learn about her?

After her shared time living as Kent’s wife, she got the chance to struggle on her own and find a place for herself in the world that is not as someone’s wife. She took off her ring, which leaves a mark that, as time goes by, the ring’s mark is fading, so is her old identity.

Football as the symbol of hope

Consider the role of football in this story. What does football represent to the citizens of Borg, particularly to the children.

It’s hope. The city is almost dead, but not with the children’s spirit to watch, play, and even participate in the football match. Everything’s closed down and well, merged into one place managed by Somebody in the pizzeria. But one thing’s for sure: they have the shared passion to support their favorite team.

In a way, they bring this hope to Britt-Marie by asking her to be their coach. And it also brings Borg to a more hopeful condition than before. In the end, they decided to fight back together.

Her journey has just started

Why do you think Britt-Marie ultimately makes the choice she does at the end of the story?

As much as I lovee her interaction with Sven, I am satisfied with her decision to knock on either of the doors. Honestly, her choice at the end is a bit vague to me. Did she go to Paris and back to Borg? Idk. But I interpreted it as: despite the uncertainty of the future, she wanted to create her own story. And that’s it.

Random stuff I wrote down while I’m reading the book

She hates changes, and the first thing she’s doing in a new town is befriending a rat?! Hahahaha. She even provides food for the rat and makes it eat dinner at the same time every day. Sometimes, we just need someone (or a rat) to listen to our story or just accompany us in the silence.

I could only imagine the courage she has to actually go to Borg and deal with all the new stuff. But I can feel all that uneasiness slowly uncover freedom for her at the same time.

I wonder how many times sodium bicarbonate is actually mentioned in the book?

‘Because it’s the first time in an absolute age that anyone has told Britt-Marie it’s important for her to be somewhere’ danggg that’s fucking deep and sad.

As we’re getting older, I wonder how much loneliness could I feel? Would I feel it getting stronger by the day? I can deal with being alone now, even on most days I crave for being alone. But, as I have had conversations with older people, I wouldn’t be able to imagine how loneliness has taken a great toll in their life. Is being busy the only one to deal with it? Or is it come from within?

What’s with the policeman and the courses he took!? Hahahaha, but actually that’s the dream, tho. To be able to make stuffs, moreover, a functional one!

‘That’s how it all begins’

P.86-87

It’s a balcony. She has a place to put her balcony box!

WTF Kent! Why did you suddenly show up at her door?! Go away!